The biggest lies ever
I was on my way to dinner when I vibered her.
Me: Nasa bus na nga wahaha.
A couple of minutes later, I got a reply saying how my previous message was the equivalent of one of the biggest lies in the history of mankind. What followed was the definitive guide to the most deceptive, cunning, ingenious, and innovative falsehoods ever. Or at least, we believe it is. I must have looked like a madman as I was laughing on my own, on my side of the bus, while scrolling through the items on the list. So, what exactly was on that list?
1. "I love you." - While commonly it's supposed to be a romantic, cheesy phrase, bringing forth an army of fluttering butterflies inside your stomach, we all know how emotionally draining and exhausting these words are. This is true especially when after hearing those three simple syllables countless times, you still end up being broken and left behind. We both agree on this one. /bitter
2. "I have read the terms and conditions." - Absolutely NO ONE ever bothers to read the online agreement and yet everyone clicks the checkbox at the end of the document. Seriously, what's wrong with you, people?
3. "On the way na ako." - The phrase that is synonymous with "Actually, maliligo pa lang ako." Ugh. Don't fall for this one. (Though admittedly, I've used this trick several times already.)
4. "I am 18 years old and above". - Everyone is of legal age when it comes to the internet. Everyone. No exceptions.
5. "We're just friends." - Ooooh. The standard showbiz answer of two individuals who are still vehemently denying their relationship even though the entire world knows about their love affair already.
6. "Di yan masakit / Parang kagat lang ng langgam." - Remember that health officer back in grade school who mentioned these kind words while he/she was busy preparing the needle and the syringe? Nightmares!
7. "The next train will be arriving shortly" - I don't ride the trains here but she does and apparently this statement is one big hoax. Also, considered as the long lost brother of "The next train will operate smoothly and without any breakdown."
8. "Joke lang." - Technically speaking, this is only half-a-lie (half meant) but modern research suggests that the probability of this phrase equating to a fabrication is estimated to be at around 98.27%. No joke.
9. "Mag-coffee lang tayo." - The big boon in the coffee shop industry can be directly related to the swarms of overeager human beings spending time and money for a good dose of caffeine. Oh, did I mention that it also includes an orientation on networking shit? Ha!
10. "Kasya pa isa sa kaliwa." - If you don't wanna have a sore butt, then don't ever believe that 'barker' who shouted those words. Move on to the next jeepney.
I'm sure this list will grow as that imaginative brain of hers spouts out those funny and witty remarks. I appreciate these light conversations, by the way. A breath of fresh air. I'll have more of those, please, thank you.
/buhatbangko /overwritememories
5. "We're just friends." - Ooooh. The standard showbiz answer of two individuals who are still vehemently denying their relationship even though the entire world knows about their love affair already.
6. "Di yan masakit / Parang kagat lang ng langgam." - Remember that health officer back in grade school who mentioned these kind words while he/she was busy preparing the needle and the syringe? Nightmares!
7. "The next train will be arriving shortly" - I don't ride the trains here but she does and apparently this statement is one big hoax. Also, considered as the long lost brother of "The next train will operate smoothly and without any breakdown."
8. "Joke lang." - Technically speaking, this is only half-a-lie (half meant) but modern research suggests that the probability of this phrase equating to a fabrication is estimated to be at around 98.27%. No joke.
9. "Mag-coffee lang tayo." - The big boon in the coffee shop industry can be directly related to the swarms of overeager human beings spending time and money for a good dose of caffeine. Oh, did I mention that it also includes an orientation on networking shit? Ha!
10. "Kasya pa isa sa kaliwa." - If you don't wanna have a sore butt, then don't ever believe that 'barker' who shouted those words. Move on to the next jeepney.
I'm sure this list will grow as that imaginative brain of hers spouts out those funny and witty remarks. I appreciate these light conversations, by the way. A breath of fresh air. I'll have more of those, please, thank you.
/buhatbangko /overwritememories
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