The Slow Ascent To Normalcy
There's this idea that life hits you the hardest when you least expect it. But I guess, in a more realistic manner, there comes a point in time where you already have an inclination that things are going south, yet you still try your hardest to deny the cold, hard facts and hope for a positive outcome. That's the exact moment when life supposedly hits you unexpectedly. Some would dramatically call it "the ending", but not really. You'd still be a fine, living, breathing human being the day after, just with a new pair of bloodshot eyes to contend with.
I had that belief that I'd never go through such a stage again but I guess I was wrong. Hurled into that boiling pit of emotions, I told myself that I knew how to handle this phase already but I guess I was wrong. I thought I had it all figured out -- the right pieces, the right chemistry, the right answers -- but again predictably, I was wrong. What I ended up with was a wrecking ball (Miley Cyrus reference, yeah) full of pain, heartbreak, and depression. Guess I should have listened to Chris Martin huh? Nobody said it was easy. True. Or followed Motion City Soundtrack's advice from "Last Night". I can't compete with all your damn ideas. Sigh.
I could go on and on and quote various biting lines from my stash of heart-on-the-sleeve tracks (I admit, I'm guilty of posting emo lyrics once in a while) but I figured that's not exactly the most ideal and mature way to mend the wounds . What's done is done and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger (hooray for cliches!). My energy packs should instead be reserved for the restoration of my stable emotional state or as Hayley Williams would put it, "bringing my sinking ship back to the shore."
Fortunately, just like how green herbs restore health in Resident Evil or how phoenix downs revive characters in Final Fantasy, a myriad of earthly angels have cast their regenerative spells over me. There's the usual suspects: the simplest family from the relatively quiet province; the ever-reliable group of Maroon-clad drunken male warriors from the State U; the crazy yet supportive bunch from the beehive; and the always-equipped-with-funny-stories comrades from graduate studies. There's also the unlikely sources: the tummy-filling food adventures; the New York Yankees (they keep my mornings occupied); spontaneous movie nights; and random conversations about tragic love poems, alternative music, and the disparity between men and women. Totally kidding on the last one.
Ultimately though, the most critical part of this climb back to normality lies within myself and it involves holding on to my ideals and beliefs -- that faith will still write that perfect story for me; that thing called tadhana still exist; and that happy endings and forever are real. In short, merong forever. Cheesy, I know, but sometimes you just have to keep on believing. Eventually, I'll get it right, right?
Ending with this line from Joie De Vivre's "Next Year Will Be Better": It's never been harder to feel better. True for now. But in time. Slowly and surely. I will be better.
* Ironically was listening to Straylight Run's A Slow Descent while writing this entry.
** Unintentionally and coincidentally, this day would have marked a special milestone but alas it's just another date in the calendar.
I had that belief that I'd never go through such a stage again but I guess I was wrong. Hurled into that boiling pit of emotions, I told myself that I knew how to handle this phase already but I guess I was wrong. I thought I had it all figured out -- the right pieces, the right chemistry, the right answers -- but again predictably, I was wrong. What I ended up with was a wrecking ball (Miley Cyrus reference, yeah) full of pain, heartbreak, and depression. Guess I should have listened to Chris Martin huh? Nobody said it was easy. True. Or followed Motion City Soundtrack's advice from "Last Night". I can't compete with all your damn ideas. Sigh.
I could go on and on and quote various biting lines from my stash of heart-on-the-sleeve tracks (I admit, I'm guilty of posting emo lyrics once in a while) but I figured that's not exactly the most ideal and mature way to mend the wounds . What's done is done and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger (hooray for cliches!). My energy packs should instead be reserved for the restoration of my stable emotional state or as Hayley Williams would put it, "bringing my sinking ship back to the shore."
Fortunately, just like how green herbs restore health in Resident Evil or how phoenix downs revive characters in Final Fantasy, a myriad of earthly angels have cast their regenerative spells over me. There's the usual suspects: the simplest family from the relatively quiet province; the ever-reliable group of Maroon-clad drunken male warriors from the State U; the crazy yet supportive bunch from the beehive; and the always-equipped-with-funny-stories comrades from graduate studies. There's also the unlikely sources: the tummy-filling food adventures; the New York Yankees (they keep my mornings occupied); spontaneous movie nights; and random conversations about tragic love poems, alternative music, and the disparity between men and women. Totally kidding on the last one.
Ultimately though, the most critical part of this climb back to normality lies within myself and it involves holding on to my ideals and beliefs -- that faith will still write that perfect story for me; that thing called tadhana still exist; and that happy endings and forever are real. In short, merong forever. Cheesy, I know, but sometimes you just have to keep on believing. Eventually, I'll get it right, right?
Ending with this line from Joie De Vivre's "Next Year Will Be Better": It's never been harder to feel better. True for now. But in time. Slowly and surely. I will be better.
* Ironically was listening to Straylight Run's A Slow Descent while writing this entry.
** Unintentionally and coincidentally, this day would have marked a special milestone but alas it's just another date in the calendar.
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